Thursday, January 26, 2012

the present

I just wanted to say a little hello and feel words and a post acutally meet. I have been yearning, seriously to take a bit of time, and connect, and thats what I have in this moment just a bit of time. I dont like to grumble, I try to keep positive and optimistic, but just for a second I could scream.... to the roof tops! The world around me is spinning, and I just want to slow it down, so I am posting. usually at my 8-5, where I spend the majority of my life, dreaming of ways to break into my dream my passion for real,... forever. But, there is this seemingly beautiful caviat, to it all and that is that my 8-5 is all I could ask for in a job aside from its lack of use for my personal creativity, and passion. There is passion that flows in this capacity as well, but its so different and being here five years, it seems as though my role, place, or purpose has been fulfilled. How do you ever really know, or walk away from something that is such a good thing, but not that thing you really want. Aside, from the 8-5, there is this other most important role or definition of who I am, that is momma and wife. Momma to two amazing girls, that I love with every inch of me, and when I am not here (work) GOD BLESS me I am intentially trying to be there, present as the momma they deserve. Thank the heavens for my husband, who I think has accepted that I am a DREAMER, and most of the tiime I am dreaming. Dreaming away..about somthing, traveling, RANDOM ideas, and most of the time a hippy heart, the vision, the future, the plan. I am 32 and just coming to so many ahhhhha nuggets of wisdom that are not only resourcefull but my saving grace. Its time spent in prayer, meditation, insight from others, and above all God. It the little slices of grace, that I receive in all of the named ways, that I can keep going, when I dont know where I am going to. Sometimes, when what can seem like a life filled with obligation and responsiblity, it can also feel like a oppourtinity and a honor. Albeit gradually, I am learning to balance, all of my life, and not to loose direction on the road I chose to travel. A good friend once told me that "God is in love with the Journey" and I want to be in love with that too. When I feel as scattered as the clouds or as sure as the sun, I know and believe that my life, and "the plan" are mine, created for me.., how special, personal and priceless is that, why question or confuse it? I knowingly live in the palm of Gods hand, and even when the world is spinning around me, and dreams take longer than I understand, time is on my side. Each precious, personal, moment, is bringing me closer to the present, not past or the future, the present. xoxo